No Holds Barred
by ShockValueAuthor
Summary: My first fanfcition yaoi on this site. Itachi is thinking over recents events, and thoughts are turning dark... Rated M for sexual content and some language. SVA
1. Chapter 1

Rain cascaded down from the heavens, droplets of water rapidly landing on the rooftops and ground, a soft tapping on the rocks in the garden, a splash into the pond within them. Water dripped off of the awning of the house in streams. It was tranquil.

But everything else was anything but.

Sasuke stood on the outer walkway of the household, sheltered from the rain by the slanted, shingled awning. Black spiky locks were sticking to his face from the moisture in the air. His eyes were closed in concentration.

'_We know that you were like brothers.'_

'_Yeah, well… I haven't seen him lately… It's a tragedy.'_

His eyes snapped open and he let go of a long held breath.

His elder brother was the suspect of Shisui's death. And as much as Sasuke wanted to trust Itachi…

Something made his skin crawl ever since he saw Itachi's behavior.

"You're going to catch a cold if you stand out here barefoot like that."

Sasuke jumped about a foot in the air and turned around to face the other person. "I-Itachi nii-san! You're back from your mission already?"

Itachi stood about three feet away from Sasuke, long black hair matted to his head from the rain, bangs around and before his face. His clothes were slightly torn, and part of his ANBU mask was cracked off. He noticed Sasuke's uneasy stare and tilted his head to the side slightly in puzzlement. "Something the matter, ototo?"

"Nothing, Aniki."

"I see…" Itachi's voice trailed off thoughtfully. He extended an arm and beckoned Sasuke towards him with the sweep of his hand. Reluctant at first, he went up to his older brother.

Itachi poked Sasuke in the forehead. "I can tell you're lying. You move your left foot back and forth when you're nervous."

"No I don't!" Sasuke replied stubbornly. He rubbed his forehead in frustration.

"Your nose is growing." Itachi smirked.

"Is not!"

Itachi ruffled Sasuke's hair fondly. He noticed his younger brother flinch and stopped. "Are you sure that you're-"

"ITACHI! ARE YOU HOME?"

Sharingan snapped into Itachi's eyes and he glared towards the sound of the voice. Sasuke's face grew pale and ashy. "A-aniki…"

Itachi turned to Sasuke. Blood red stared at him emptily. "Yes?"

"Did you…?"

"ITACHI! COME INSIDE NOW!"

Itachi sighed. "We'll talk later ototo." He smiled slightly. "Go put some shoes on." With that he walked away.

As he walked away, Sasuke watched him and tilted his head down in defeat.

"…Did you really kill Shisui?"

***

Itachi went inside of the house. Fugaku was waiting by the kitchen doorframe.

"Where have you been? Your next mission starts in two hours!"

"Sorry, father," Itachi said calmly, "My last mission lasted longer than usual. Besides, you shouldn't worry so much."

"Were you talking to Sasuke?"

"…Yes."

"This is completely irresponsible! You shouldn't be dealing with that waste of time-"

"He's not a waste of time; he's your son."

Fugaku rubbed his face in his hands, clearly frustrated with his eldest son. "There's been a lot of talk due to Shisui's death, and you still are a suspect. Watch yourself before things get worse."

"What?" Itachi said through gritted teeth, "Are you going to report for something stupid? Oh, I'm sorry; I was late because of my idiotic father's constant babbling over my life!" With that Itachi saw his mother step out into the hallway.

"What's going on?"

"I'm fucking tired of you all treating me like some type of prize!" Itachi shouted. "I'm human; what do you expect from me?"

"I expect my son to exceed expectations and make himself known as a great shinobi!" Fugaku yelled back.

Mikoto, Itachi's mother, simply gave Itachi a sad glance and pulled her husband to the side. "Leave him be for now, dear; you're not helping the situation."

Fugaku stormed off with his wife. Itachi turned to face the sitting room door.

"You can come out now, Sasuke."

Sasuke gingerly stepped out into the hallway, obviously upset because of the argument. Itachi crouched down and patted his brother's head softly.

"Don't worry too much; I'm sorry you had to hear that."

Sasuke's eyes were unusually cold. "Nii-san, tell me the truth."

Itachi arched an eyebrow. "About what?"

"Did you kill Shisui?"

Itachi stayed silent for a moment. "…No."

Sasuke's voice was icy, but with a shaky undertone. "Are you sure?"

Itachi ignored the question. "Is this what's been bothering you?"

Sasuke lowered his head. "Yes."

Itachi was about to say something else until Sasuke spoke first. "You probably should go get ready for your mission. Besides, I'm going over someone's house later anyway." With that Sasuke walked off, leaving Itachi alone to contemplate one of the biggest lies he'd ever told.


	2. Chapter 2

Itachi sat on the edge of his bed, removing his shoes so he could get a shower. Little specks of blood were on his clothing and skin, and he wanted them off. It was bad enough that the mission had lasted until about midnight, even worse that Fugaku had shouted at him for his irresponsibility within the clan. Even his mother had shaken her head in disapproval when the two left a few minutes later. Sasuke was at a fellow student's home; a sleepover or whatnot.

All the better.

Stepping into his bathroom, he stripped down and walked into the shower, turning on the water to its hottest setting. As the water hit his skin, easing down his body rhythmically, the little splatters of blood dissolved away into nothingness. He leaned an arm against the wall of the shower and sighed. His hair was hanging from his head, bangs loosely draping around his face. They veiled his already-shadowed eyes further.

Though, he decided, at least the water was easing his muscles. He had been so tense from the excessive workload ANBU had given him that he had been astonished that he hadn't collapsed from exhaustion.

After a few minutes, he stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel to put around his waist. With one hand on the towel around him, the other on his head, he stumbled into his room and changed into a pair of boxers and combed out the strands of his hair with his fingers.

After the beauty routine he sat on his bed again, this time reaching for a water glass next to his pillow. He took a dubious sip and swallowed, finding it hard to get the liquid down.

Lying back onto the bed he laid his head onto his arms, trying to relax.

Memories kept swirling around in his head. He screwed his eyes tightly together to try and stop thinking of them.

'_Itachi…nii-san…. Did you kill Shisui?'_

'_No.'_

'_Itachi! This is completely irresponsible! You shouldn't be dealing with that waste of time-'_

'_He's not a waste of time. He's your son.'_

'_Aniki… Why won't you talk to anyone?'_

Sitting up quickly he grabbed the kunai from underneath his pillow and swung it out to the side. Breathing heavy, he ran a hand through his hair and felt sweat on his face.

"A dream…"

He sighed and motioned to put the blade back in its place, but stopped midway. Eyeing the metal he brought it closer to his body and looked at it. Getting a better grip he made a small nick into the underside of his wrist. He made a small grimace, but to his surprise; it felt…

Amazing.

Walking to his door, he punched the lock in and sat back on the bed, and made another cut, deeper this time.

Even better.

More memories swam around his head, racing around until-

They stopped.

His mind felt clear. Looking down at his wrist, he saw blood trickling down his skin in tiny rivulets. He could feel himself starting to relax. But he didn't want to relax; he wanted something else.

'_If you did indeed betray the clan… you will pay.'_

'_He had been watching you…'_

'_Aniki! What's going on?'_

'_Itachi… Your father does mean well…'_

'_Itachi… You're the pipeline between-'_

Itachi quickly sliced two deep gash marks down into the skin of both wrists, pressing the blade down into his flesh and pulling it out. Panting he dropped the blade and lowered his head to see his handiwork. Blood was seeping out and onto the bed sheets.

'_I needed to achieve the next state.'_

'_Aniki! Stop it!'_

He was starting to feel dizzy; fatigued.

'Even if it means being hated…'

He felt himself fall back onto his bed.

'_That's what big brothers are for.'_

Heavy eyelids began shutting. Dimly he heard the opening of his door and a small voice.

Damn lock…

"Nii-san, are you sleeping?" Itachi could hear Sasuke walk closer. His eyes fluttered open for a moment and he saw Sasuke's look of horror and shock. "ANIKI! ITACHI PLEASE NO-"

Then he saw nothing at all.


	3. Chapter 3

Itachi was sleeping in a hospital bed the next day, not having woken up from the night before. Sunlight was shining from outside the glass of the window, resting on his face and giving him a peaceful appearance. Bandages were on his arms, along with an IV attached to his wrist.

Sasuke sat in a chair next to him, looking at his brother repeatedly for signs of breathing. Itachi was. He eyed the bandages on his brother in sadness and confusion, then turned away to wipe tears from his eyes.

He remembered vividly the sight of his brother bleeding on the bed, deep red slashes on his arms drowning in blood. Itachi's eyes fluttering open for a split second, then nothing. Not a single breath… And his skin as pale and cold as ice.

Sasuke had panicked and desperately tried to wake Itachi up; no such luck. He knew no medical Ninjutsu, and had only some bandages that were near useless for stanching the blood seeping out from his brother's skin and onto the bed underneath him. Sasuke didn't want to leave his brother, but ran quickly outside and called for help, yelling until another Uchiha and a passerby heard him and rushed to help.

'_Please help! My brother tried to kill himself!'_

'_Get him to the hospital, quick!'_

'_He's losing too much blood, do you have anything that can stop the bleeding?'_

'Aniki…please hang in there!'

"Nii-san…why would you do this?" He whispered quietly. "Did… you really want to die?"

A nurse walked into the room and looked at Sasuke, flipping a page of her clipboard. He looked at her for some type of news; anything good to save him from his worry.

"He's going to be fine," She said softly. "In a while, he'll be up and running and everything will go back to normal. Do you need anything, Sasuke-chan?"

Sasuke stared at her, then looked over to his brother. "I want to be alone with him."

The nurse seemed like she was going to object, but shook her head. "Well, my name is Arisa-chan. Let me know if you need anything." With that she walked off.

Not a few minutes later, Sasuke heard a roar come from the Emergency Admission desk.

"WHERE THE HELL IS MY SON?"

"Sir, your son is sleeping now. He-"

"Please, we're worried sick about him…" Sasuke could hear his mother trying to calm the situation; obviously his father was seething.

Sasuke walked out of Itachi's room and peeked behind the wall ahead to see his father rub his face in impatience.

"Okay," His father sighed, "Can you at least tell me what happened?"

The nurse was hesitant. "Perhaps you should sit down."

"They don't need to."

They turned to the side and saw Sasuke walking towards them. His father looked at him expectantly, somewhat perplexed.

"If Itachi got hurt on a mission, why would you be here?"

Sasuke was taken aback by the question. "Nii-san didn't-"

"He shouldn't be so careless. After all, he's an Uchiha! Though really, mistakes do happen, so I suppose it wasn't-"

"Itachi didn't get hurt on a mission." Sasuke whimpered.

His mother looked over to him and crouched down, giving her youngest son a hug. "Then how did he get hurt, Sasuke-chan?"

"He…" Sasuke looked at Arisa for help. She saw the look and spoke curtly.

"Let me see…" She flipped a chart. "Uchiha Fugaku and Mikoto? Your son was a trauma case for excessive bleeding and self-inflicted injuries. He's lucky to be alive."

Fugaku turned to the nurse and spoke sternly. "You think this is funny? My son would never do something like-" Suddenly he saw a glimpse of the chart she was holding.

"Trauma patient… Keep away from sharp objects… Uchiha…Itachi." His face paled into almost complete white. "This can't be."

Mikoto held Sasuke tight to her chest. "Oh, Sasuke-chan… Did you find him?"

"I did, and I…I couldn't help, and he was… there was…" Sasuke's voice was cracking.

"What?"

"Blood everywhere…"

"Ridiculous," Fugaku scoffed, "Shinobi don't get so bothered by things like blood. It's just-"

"BUT IT'S MY BROTHER, AND I LOVE HIM!" Sasuke shouted.

His parents looked as if they were hit hard by his words. Sasuke was breathing hard.

"You think… that I wouldn't care…wouldn't be upset… if he had succeeded and died?" Sasuke said through gritted teeth. "You're disgusting."

"Sasuke," Fugaku said warningly.

"Just shut up and leave him alone! I mean…" He grew quieter, "H-He needs rest…"

His mother was quiet; his father quieter. Finally his father spoke. "Alright. We'll leave. Including you, Sasuke." With that they turned around. Sasuke followed, turning back one time to thank Arisa with a small wave. She waved back and smiled sadly.

"I'll see you soon, okay?" She said.

"…Okay." With that he left.


	4. Chapter 4

Within the waking hours of dawn, Itachi finally awoke from his fatigue. He lifted a hand to rub his eyes so he could see properly and noticed the bandages. He looked at his other arm. Bandages and an IV.

"Hospital." He muttered.

It was still dark in his room, as the sun had yet to fully rise over the horizon. To his left there was a small bouquet of little white flowers, probably a courtesy of someone who had visited him during this…

Utter disaster.

He sighed, eyeing his right arm. Surely his mother and father were informed about this. He was still underage, so he couldn't sign himself out of the hospital until they either discharged him or his parents got him out themselves. He let out a low sigh. And Sasuke…

Itachi felt a pang of guilt about what his younger brother had seen. His last look at Sasuke's face before he blacked out surprised him.

His little brother…

A small cough made Itachi turn his attention to the foot of his bed. There, halfway curled up in a chair with his head on the bed, wrapped in a blanket, was Sasuke. It was a wonder Itachi hadn't noticed him there earlier.

"Sasuke…" Itachi's voice was cracking. He shook his brother's arm lightly, wincing at the pain that shot up his arms. "Wake up…"

Upon hearing Itachi speak Sasuke immediately shot his head up, still half-asleep. His voice was hoarse from crying the night before. "Aniki…?"

Itachi gave a small little twitch of his lips; not enough to be called a smile. "Yeah- It's me, ototo."

Sasuke's face lit up entirely. Jumping off the chair and into the bed, he hugged Itachi hard, causing his brother to let out a sharp hiss of pain.

Sasuke let go, blinking away tears. "Did I hurt you?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"…"

Sasuke stepped off of the bed and grabbed the blanket, placing it on Itachi's lap and patting the blanket until it was covering his feet. Itachi gave him a confused look.

"…You'll catch cold if you stay barefoot like that." Sasuke smiled weakly.

Itachi motioned for Sasuke to come closer. When he did, he patted the bed. "Wanna sit up here?"

Sasuke's eyes were pressing for information, but nevertheless, he hopped up onto the bed again and snuggled into Itachi's left side under the covers.

"Thank you, Aniki."

"Your welcome, Sasuke."

They both lay there for a moment when Itachi turned his head to Sasuke and was startled to find Sasuke with his eyes closed, shaking.

Itachi was silent for a moment, then quietly whispered, "Sasuke, are you alright?"

Sasuke straightened his position and stared at Itachi blankly. "Why wouldn't I be? You tried to kill yourself, and I want to know why. But I know that you'll never tell me, and oto-san and oka-san will probably never trust you again." Sasuke's eyes started to water slightly. "And… You're my brother, nii-san. I wish I knew… What I did wrong."

Itachi looked at him in utter confusion. "What you did…wrong?"

Sasuke nodded at the statement. Itachi pulled him closer and hugged him, much to Sasuke's surprise. Itachi took his shoulders and held them firmly, looking into the eyes so much like his own.

"You didn't do anything wrong, ototo. It was… my fault."

"But what did you…what happened to make you…do that?" Sasuke finished quietly.

Itachi looked up at the ceiling. "It doesn't matter; I was wrong to do it."

"You're just saying that so you can get out of here and do it again, aren't you?" Sasuke said hotly.

Itachi chuckled, causing some discomfort when he shifted his arms to give Sasuke another hug. "No." He saw the look on his brother's face that demanded an explanation. "I just-" He stopped. "…It's dawn." He looked at Sasuke. "…How'd you get in here?"

Sasuke pointed to the air vent on the wall, the cover hanging from a single screw. "No one knows I'm here, nii-san. I made sure of that."

Itachi just shook his head in amusement. Then he grew serious. "Sasuke…"

"Yes, nii-san?"

Itachi found this very awkward for some reason. Nevertheless, he continued.

"…Do you want to know something?"

Sasuke's eyes widened. "Y-You'd tell me what happened?"

Itachi smiled slightly. "Yes."

"O-Okay."

Itachi leaned down onto the bed completely and sighed. He eyed his right arm again.

"It makes things hard to deal with when there's so much pressure involved with everything- and I…" He caught the look on Sasuke's face and stopped. "What?"

"I want the whole truth, Aniki. Oto-san and oka-san will press it out of you when they come back, and I know you're probably going to lie to them."

Itachi stared at his brother. "I'm sorry Sasuke. Maybe that is true, but, then again, I don't know."

***

At the kitchen table in the Uchiha household, Fugaku sat down, holding a teacup with shaky hands. His nerves were shot.

Itachi may've been hard for him to read, but never, as his father, had he ever contemplated that his son would try something so self-destructive. Itachi was a special case; soaring above and beyond all expectations.

He sighed, eyeing the clock to find it eight in the morning. He hadn't slept since he returned home.

Perhaps entering the ANBU squad at his age had taken its toll on his mind. Thirteen was young… But yet, he never showed any signs of behavior like… what had happened.

Fugaku had yet to see his son; only Sasuke, the younger of the two. And the look on Sasuke's face was feral, almost menacing, when he yelled at his wife and himself.

'_BUT IT'S MY BROTHER, AND I LOVE HIM!'_

He heard a loud rush of air and the sharp sound of a door slamming open. His wife came barging in, teary-eyed and breathing heavy.

"Sasuke isn't in his bed… I think he ran off to the hospital."

He sighed, getting up. "Why am I not surprised… Let's go get him."

When they arrived at the hospital, however, the nurses stated that they had not seen him. Mikoto was in quiet hysterics.

"Please help us find him! We're worried sick about both of them, and…"

Arisa walked out into the lobby and saw both of them. She stepped up to them, smiling.

"Both of your sons are sleeping. They're fine."

"But how'd he get in here in the first place?" Fugaku demanded.

Arisa knew why; she had helped Sasuke get into an air vent from the outside. "…I'm not sure, but if you want, you can go see them."

Wordlessly the two parents followed her down a corridor, until reaching the room with the patient name, 'Uchiha Itachi'. She held a finger to her lips, motioning for them to stay silent. She opened the door for them, then left.

Their mother pushed open the door and stepped inside quietly. Her husband followed, and to their surprise, their lay Itachi and Sasuke, sleeping; Sasuke was curled up and nestled into Itachi's side, while Itachi was lying down on his side, with a bandaged arm wrapped around Sasuke's shoulders.

They were both quiet for a moment, taking in the sight of their eldest son bandaged up, with an IV on his left arm. But for once… he looked relaxed; not at all tense. Almost peaceful.

Mikoto was turned to her husband, wiping tears from her eyes while she saw his expression of utter shock and confusion. "We should let them sleep."

"No need; I'm already awake."

Itachi sat up carefully, propping his arms up warily to avoid further pain. He moved his arm from Sasuke's shoulders and looked at his parents blankly. His parents returned the stare the same way.

"Itachi…" His mother said softly, "What happened?"

Itachi looked at Sasuke, then to their father and mother. "Not here."

Sasuke quickly looked up at him, startling his older brother. "You promised you'd tell me too."

"…Alright." Itachi leaned onto his knees. Once again he found this type of conversation awkward. "I simply wanted to know what it felt like."

His father let out a sigh. "You're kidding, right?"

"No."

"Then why else?"

"There is no other reason. It started small, then…" Itachi stopped talking.

"Then what?" His mother asked.

"It started to feel good to me."

"Nii-san." Itachi turned to Sasuke as he spoke quietly. "You need help."

Itachi laughed, shocking his family immensely.

"What's so funny at a time like this?" His father demanded.

Itachi rubbed his face in his hands. "…Nothing. I'm just getting over the pain; it's going away."

About two hours later all of them left the hospital, Itachi limping slightly every time his arms hit something. He was annoyed by the stares of other people, eyeing his bandages with curiosity and confusion. It bothered him.

Gingerly he felt Sasuke's hand grip onto his, and as they walked, Itachi smiled to himself and squeezed back.

For once, he wasn't going to mind going home.


	5. Chapter 5

Sasuke sat down at his desk in one of the Academy classrooms, waiting for the sensei to begin class. Not that it particularly mattered; his mind was revolving around the week before.

Itachi was acting strange- well, quieter, anyway- and it worried Sasuke. Itachi spent his time mostly in his room sleeping, only to come out when he had to eat something, which was never much. And even then he looked exhausted.

Sasuke remembered seeing his parents speaking to an ANBU officer, who had came by to see why Itachi was missing assignments. Naturally, his parents lied.

'Is Itachi-san all right? He's been missing a lot of work-'

'_He's fine- it's just that he's been very ill these past few days. He'll be back in a couple of days, I'm sure.'_

"Sasuke?"

Sasuke's head shot up and he looked wide-eyed into the face of Iruka-sensei. Iruka looked worried at what he saw. His student's eyes were dull and listless, and his face pale.

"Sasuke…are you feeling okay? You look very…tired." He finished quietly.

"I'm fine." Sasuke rubbed his face in his hands, trying to figure out when he had fallen asleep. "Just tired."

"Are you sure nothing is bothering you?" Iruka gave him a level stare and leaned down to Sasuke's eye level.

Sasuke looked at him, eyes narrowed and downcast. "You know, don't you." It wasn't a question.

Iruka sighed. "There are rumors going around the Village, and I just want to make sure you're not-"

"Not what?" Sasuke snapped.

"…Going through the same thing as your brother."

"No, I'm not." Sasuke said hotly.

Iruka gave a sad smile and turned to walk away. "Then do me a favor- don't fall asleep today, okay?"

Sasuke noticed the change in attitude and smiled weakly. "Okay."

***

Itachi sat down at the kitchen table, sipping a cup of tea slowly. His parents were sitting as well.

Their son was beginning to scare them. He had lost a bit of weight- about 5-7 pounds, maybe- from not eating properly; and in only a week. His eyes were often glazed over, and he rarely stepped foot outside of his room.

They had no idea what to do.

"Itachi," Fugaku cleared his throat, "Your mother and I have been thinking, and we've decided that you haven't been completely honest with us, and… your reasoning as of late. So, we're giving you one last chance."

Itachi's voice was low and calm. "Or what?"

Mikoto spoke up. "We're your parents, Itachi- we are responsible for you, and we love you." Her eyes started to water. "Just please… Let us help you."

Itachi was silent to this.

"We want you to tell us the truth, Itachi. Or…" Fugaku trailed off, "We can take drastic measures."

"And what precisely are those?"

"A seventy-two hour psychological evaluation at the hospital. Your choice."

Itachi barked out a laugh then lowered his voice. "You aren't improving this situation, father. Besides," He turned his head to the side, "I'm feeling much better now."

"Why is that?" Mikoto asked.

"Because… I've been thinking, and its cleared my head. I have no reason for dying."

"So what's your rationale for living?"

Itachi gave a small smile; he knew Sasuke was listening near the doorframe. "Because I have something to live for."

His parents had no earthly idea what he meant, so they let it pass for now. "All right then. You'll be returning to ANBU soon, correct?" Fugaku asked.

"Yes- I will be." With that Itachi walked away.

***

Sasuke smiled to himself and went to his bedroom for the night.

Nii-san is back…

But still…

Something was missing.


End file.
